Note: For those who read the blog regularly – thank you. You’ve probably noticed a bit of changes happening to the blog. New theme, new name, and even some new content.
My life is changing and so are my needs. As much as I love crocheting and receive stress relieving benefits from it, right now I need to write. It is how I process things and right now I have many things that I need to mull over.
Crocheting isn’t going away it’s just taking a back seat right now. You may even see some other crafty things I have going on. Who knows?
Crochet Business (minus the blog) will still be around for the book and the courses but will have it’s own domain (HookingforCash.com and CrochetBusiness.com).
This blog will be my main focus.(Momwithahook.com) It will still have blogging tips and crochet business tips from time to time BUT…
You’ll also see a little bit more of me. Yes, I’m going to use this year to focus on things I’ve neglected. Who knows you may find a little bit of you in me? Topics: Hands (crafty), Head (learning), and Heart (spiritual and health).
NEW? Welcome to the blog and I’m so glad to have you.
I’m participating in the My 500 Words Challenge by Jeff Goins. This is the second post or 31.
Prompt: Mulligan Do it Again Day
http://www.wordcounter.net/ (pretty cool word counter if you’re interested)
- Day 2: 554 words
- Total: 788 words
geralt / Pixabay
It started out like any other day – Stop.
You thought I would be cliche’ and start this post this way right?
Today is all about a “Do Over” or a Mulligan.
defined: a second chance to do a move in a game
Ever watched that movie Groundhog day?
Bill Murray plays the main character who is doomed to live the same day over and over again until he gets it right.
We’ve all had “one of those days” right?
My most recent “day” (I’ve had too many to count) happened in January of this year.
It’s a question that comes out at you, seemingly from out of no where – Can We Talk?
The feeling like I was being spun in a teacup on the famous Disneyland ride hit my stomach fast. I’m going to be sick.
These words came out of my husband’s mouth – the most gentle and easygoing person I know.
What could be the problem? Me, it’s Me. It’s always me. The voices in my head started to chime. Worry followed.
We drove to a local park to talk in private away from the boys and my family. (Yes, we live with my family ever since the layoff of 2008.)
As the pressure in my heart started to increase he began to tell me what he had on his mind.
I knew it. Why hadn’t I seen this coming? No one is patient and understanding forever. He was bound to break. To leave.
20 years and now it’s over. Why didn’t he leave when I told him to 3 years into our marriage when I first got sick.
Time slowed. Tears filled my eyes and yes I was hurt but totally understood him.
I’m holding him back. He deserves to be loved by someone not weighed down my mental and physical illnesses. I never wanted any of this for him.
When I said “YES” to him on our wedding day – I never imagined we’d be sitting here having this discussion. Then again, I never imagined the torture mental illness would inflict on my family and I.
Never before had I understood how men can cheat on the ones they love. I know now. I understand how one can love someone completely yet desire someone else.
Maybe love wasn’t meant to be monogamous. I’ve found what I’ve been taught by my family and my religion to be wrong before so why would they be right about relationships?
Emotions calm and fade.
I get angry.
I feel useless – (nothing I haven’t felt before) BUT this time it is different – this pain came from the one person I allowed myself to trust.
He’s leaving me.
The one who I agreed to stick around for -he’s (and my children) are the whole reason why I get mental health care and now he’s leaving.
What to do now?
Another meeting at the park.
Another conversation.
Can I have a do over?
I’m sorry. I never thought about you during this whole ordeal. I know you love me. I know you love the boys. Can’t we just try a little harder to hold on? Divorce may be easy but it is a difficult road. It will hurt. We will grieve. The boys’ lives will change. Everything will change.
6 months.
My do over is 6 months. Do I love him enough to stop the pain I am causing?
