I Am Touched & Angered By The Crochet Community

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This post was inspired by fellow crochet blogger who shared her struggle with depression. It is bits and pieces of me in which I babble on about my life. I pray that this touches whomever needs to read it. I’ve hidden behind this computer screen for so long. God is telling me to share my story because YOU need to hear that YOU are not alone. YOU are loved and YOU will be okay.

Little did I know that when I learned to crochet back in 1999 that God would use it in so many ways to heal my family and I. At first all I wanted is something to make money so that I could stay home with my boys. God didn’t leave it at that though.

Postpartum Depression

After the birth of my son in 2000 I experienced a deep postpartum depression (Just What Exactly is Postpartum Depression – an article I wrote at the time). This was not my first time, I experienced it with first son as well.

Postpartum Depression is something completely different.

It is like a deep hole that you sink into and can’t get out of.

It is feeling like you are unworthy to be a mom or to be alive.

It is feeling like everything you say and do is wrong.

It is not being able to care for your hygiene needs or the needs of your baby.

It is not being able to get out of bed in the morning; the afternoon, the evening, and pretty soon, you’re just not getting out of bed.

It is thinking that your children/husband/partner will be better off without you in their life.

It is wishing you did not have this baby to care for.

It is feeling like running away.

It is angry outbursts and loving caresses.

It is not wanting to hold the baby, hear the baby, or love the baby. ~ excerpt from Just What Exactly is Postpartum Depression by Sara Duggan

With my religious upbringing came shame and the feeling of failure. It also caused me to refuse medication for sometime.

MommieCare & A New Diagnosis

For a while I was known online as ‘mommiecare‘. I blogged about depression and trained to be a postpartum doula (a mother’s helper of sorts). I was doing fine until I returned to work.

2002 I was hospitalized again but this time for a much longer stay. I was given the diagnosis of Bipolar and finally decided to give medications a try.

Soon after my hospitalization I did a lot of crocheting for charity. I even sold some items via a moms co-op, Seasons Originals (2004).

I was loving that I was making money even if it was only to support my yarn habit.

I dabbled in ‘online business’ for a while until about 2005 (mostly direct sales). It was then that I joined a local Moms group and met some lovely ladies who love crafts just as much as I do.

It was here that I learned how to knit my very first infant hat in the round. It was a good time.

I Deem You Momwithahook

Fast forward to about 2007 and I create my very first blog. I dubbed myself Momwithahook. I don’t tell people this but there is a deeper meaning to my name. Yes, I’m a mom and wield a crochet hook but I’m also a lover of God. It has a double meaning as I was going to ‘hook’ my readers for Jesus by writing about my faith. This never did transpire as I was fearful of putting myself out there.

Yup, the religion of my past died but my love of ‘LOVE’ increased. During this time a saying came to me “Love at all times”. It basically means that no matter what – poverty, illness, hatred, mistreatment, etc. – that you love. Yes, it’s hard to do but is something I strive to do moment by moment.

Love At All Times Revealed

In 2008 or 2009 I came across a site – Swapbot.com – I was heavily into snail mail back then and writing to penpals. It was then that someone send me a package with this verse stamped onto a card:

“A friend LOVES at all times…” Proverbs 17:17

Yes, the little saying that I thought I came up with as my life ‘religion’ was actually a Bible verse.

God has seen me through many bouts of depression and many episodes of hypomania.  Frankly, without God or more accurately the fear of displeasing God and burning in hell, I believe I would have checked out (suicide) long ago.

Why do I love the Crochet Community?

It was a group of lovely ladies who introduced me to a little heart blanket pattern. This blanket is what got me through a lot of mixed moods. There was a time where I made these and shipped them out to mamas in a community.

My ego loves it when people praise me for my work and even when they request that I make them something.

The blogging community is great too but mix that with crochet and BAM, you have a group of friends you can chat with 24/7.

My Adventures on Etsy

In 2007 I belonged to a Hippy Crafters group and many of them had Etsy shops. I finally joined the Etsy community with my shop Momwithahook. I started selling hats and amigurumi and a couple of scarves.

I went through the whole ‘I want a sale’ obsession. I lowered prices, did discounts, swapped with other sellers and basically lost a lot of money. In 2010 (or 2011) I closed the shop and decided not to sell crochet.

I pretty much gave up on selling crochet and concentrated my efforts on writing.

It’s Not the Same Crochet Community Anymore

Crochet has really surged in popularity mostly because younger people are becoming addicted to the craft. They have new ideas for designs and an eye for different color combinations. I love it.

Just when I thought I was finished with crochet as a business I find the community opening up in this area.

It’s Time to Stop the Bull – My Anger Exposed

More crochet artists are not taking the ‘bull’ that they can’t make crochet from patterns and then sell the item they make. Phooey. You can’t sell the pattern but you can sell what you make from them.

Just imagine buying a blueprint for a house. You build the house and then sell it. Do you think the blueprint designer is going to come after you? No, it is a given that you will build a house and they have no ownership of that house ONLY the design or blueprint.

Oh you will hear about the nobility of crediting the designer and honoring them by not selling your work BUT it’s bull. Yes, crochet is a hobby but it can also be a business. For this you have to sell products.

Change is Hard but It is for the Best

For those who have been part of the crocheting community for a long time change can be scary. Even if you see the benefits of something you might still resist because change is hard.

It time to stop bashing crochet artists who want to make it their life work aka living to sell crochet. I know it is and will forever be a hobby but if you have a marketable skill why not use it?

I welcome the new faces to crochet and am so glad more people are starting to call bull by its real name. It frees the entire community when we work together.

Crochet Saved My Life Too, How About You?

In 2012 Kathryn aka Crochet Blogger released her book ‘Crochet Saved My Life’. She shares how during a period of depression it was all she could do to pull hook through yarn. The hook and yarn pulled her from a pit and allowed her to heal.

During the release I had a loss. It was tough. I thought I could not handle anything else. I am what they call a Drama Mama :). I hid behind in my bed and pretty much slept an entire month.

When I had the energy I read Kathryn’s book. It began the healing process because it was an acknowledgement that I was not alone. That others have seen the power of the craft of crochet.

I am surprised by the stories of some ladies I knew in the crochet and blogging world. Her book birthed a sisterhood of crochet healing.

May 2013 Where Did She Go?

For those who don’t follow me, I was missing online for a little over a month. My illness caught up to me. For the past two years I was working on decreasing my medication because I didn’t need or want to be a zombie anymore.

I was doing well too until the last part of April. Yes, that booger hypomania showed up again and along with it a deep depression. I had to readjust my medication again and fight the ‘you are a failure’ thoughts incessantly flooding my mind.

Crochet Hooks Us Together

Healing once again came to me through crochet. I was asked by a relative to make a hat with a flower. I didn’t want to do it but I also knew that it might help me out of my despair. It did.

I slowly returned the community online and it is as I never left. Concern has been expressed and well wishes which I am grateful for. It has been said the knitting knits us together BUT don’t you think that crochet hooks us together?